We were there buying paint supplies a couple of weeks ago and we walk outside and see one of these shrines to the wife-beater (the shirt, not the person -- actually, who knows, now that I think about it) that R has been coveting since we bought the house. Seriously, every time I see one all I can think of is a sweaty guy with a belly and a farmer's tan slapping some poor girl on the ass and telling her to "go bring Daddy another High Life" and the whole time she's thinking how much better her life would've been if she'd just gone home with the manager of Krystal that time he brushed up against her by the shake machine. Tragic, right? But I see my boyfriend beaming at this thing, to the point where I can just about make out the visions swimming through his head of him kicking back beneath its cheaply-constructed metal frame and flesh-colored mesh panels with nothing but a cheap beer, his iPod, his lady friend, and his cairn terrier-german shepherd mutt (more on that later) at his feet. For him, this is heaven. I know... I know how to pick 'em.
Being the kind of girl who played "fort" in the backyard until I was like 10 (ok, like 15), I truly understand the desire to have a ridiculous pretend house out in the yard, even though you have a perfectly good real house for the doings of real life things. But I'm also not an idiot. And am well aware of the fact that a bedroom set, for instance, maybe could be slightly more useful than a glorified patio umbrella as our first real home purchase.
So I say, "Ok, you can have it if it's less than a hundred bucks."
He lights up like a gd sparkler.
So we go inside to ask and they say it's $149. I win! I look sympathetic, yet practical! The contraption does not have to come home with us and I still get props for being open-minded, rather than one of those bitches who throws out her dude's collection of ashtrays. (Oh, wait. Oops.) But apparently, I'm not so clever as I think because rather than walking out the door like a normal person would at hearing the price is too high, he asks if they will take $99. My boyfriend is trying to wheel and deal with the Home Depot. He thinks he can bargain with The Man. And apparently, he can. Some joker tells us we can have it for $99 if we take it down ourselves. R is elated. I put on a brave face and go gangk a screwdriver.
Fast forward to today. We decide to finally put it up in the yard. We notice we are missing:
- a least one screw and a nut
- one of the poles to clip the netting business to
- any indication we had previously given our neighbors of having "good taste"
And here it is in all its amazingly tacky glory:
My God, what have we done.
2 comments:
Oh, I am so afraid that somebody would think that would be awesome for tailgating. Hopefully, it doesn't come in orange or blue.
Hehe. Lovely! I love reading the adventures of your house buying... V and I are pretty excited to do that someday ourselves.
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