Me: Um, our tree?
Him: Yes, he's the biggest oak I've seen in a long time.
Me: Uh, actually he's a yellow poplar. And mainly I just hope he doesn't fall on us. [nervous, awkward laughter]
Him: [kneeling on the floor, writing up our report] Uh, I'm gonna uh have to stand up.. this is a little uncomfortable on my knees.
Me: Oh! I'm sorry. Go ahead and sit on the couch.
Him: Oh, this might be too comfortable. I might have to take a nap right here.
Me: ...
Him: Insects are very matriarchal. It's amazing how a pregnant bee commands her hive! And female bees do all the work. Termites are one of the few insects where both the females and the males work.
Me: ...
I would have been less than surprised had he offered to show me his suit made of fat ladies' skin. He had to write down his name on the report, so being the asshole I am, I tried to Myspace him and then did some searches using his name plus "renaissance fair," "jedi convention," etc., but no dice. Though I guess if I worked in pest control and lived in my mother's basement, I would use some sort of alias (Genevieve Von Awesome) too. WTF.
Anyway, he kind of looked like this:
Imagine being alone in your house with that. Please Jesus, don't let us have termites so that guy never ever has to come back. Too bad he already knows where we live.
3 comments:
Ummm does that mean you actually bought your house before getting checked for termites?!?
No, crazy.. he was there to renew the termite bond the people before us had on the house.
Just discovered your blog in a link from another. I have enjoyed reading of your adventures. Your style of writing is killer. I love it!
On a serious note, and you may already know this, if you have to have termite treatments, be sure to investigate less toxic means of doing so. This usually means finding companies who will respond with sodium borate. Traditional pesticides for termite elimination are very toxic to humans and animals. Entire families have become seriously ill from exposure to chemical fumes. Please do your own homework on this and do not listen to what an exterminator might tell you. He is there to sell a product. Check with sources such as the Northwest Coalition for Alternatives to Pesticides for the truth.
Best wishes,
gloria
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